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#12 - feeling lonely -

Waecicu beach, Labuan Bajo. 2022. Recently I've been spending a lot of time by myself our dinners been out of town and a lot my friends have been away and I don't know I've just felt lonelier  and you know usually I get showering alone. i procrastinate and don't really not too of myself. this time I felt different it's given me a lot of time to think about the things in my life. it's given me some balance and guidance and you know when we think about loneliness, we're meeting assume it's a bad thing, like being alone is something we should try and run away from something we should try and prevent. and I think embracing loneliness is probably a good thing sometimes. I definitely allow me to be more creative, just to know you're lonely knowing that. this is your time and your opportunity to do anything. it's kind of comforting in a way I guess, really the fact of the matter is all of us are lonely, all of us feel that and fortunately the Internet h
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#11 - i feel lost inside myself -

As the title suggests ‘I feel lost inside myself,’ this is true, I do feel lost inside myself. I feel completely lost. I don’t know what to make of my life or where to go or what to do with it. I first found this quote ‘I am lost inside myself’ on a picture that I posted above. Its like this picture found me. It is me. It explains exactly how I am feeling in five words. So anyway, what happened today. Well I was home all day, not an unusual thing for me. If I’m not at work I’m normally at home, in bed, on my laptop, being unproductive. I guess this could be productive. Is it? I’m not sure. This whole thing seems kind of silly to me, I’m just doing it because I don’t know where else to go or what else to do. I have no close friends, well I did have one until last night. I’ve screwed up bad. I’ve done some things I really really regret, things that I so horrible and sick that I don’t feel I can share yet. I will write them down when I am ready. I think thats all I am going to say for tod

#10 - the other day -

me being myself lol Ketika seseorang bertanya kepadaku bagaimana kehidupan ku sekarang, aku mempunyai beberapa jawaban, bukan hanya baik atau tidak. Aku jawab, aku tidak tahu, aku tidak begitu yakin, tapi itu tidaklah penting bagiku. Bagiku saat ini hidup setelah aku sarjana tidak seindah yang aku bayangkan sebelumnya. Dulu aku pikir menjadi sarjana arsitektur itu akan menyenangkan, tetapi tidak. Mempunyai gelar sarjana bagiku adalah sebuah campakan yang berat saat sudah terjun kelapangan. Dan ini yang selalu aku rasakan sekarang. Dilain hari aku secara tidak sengaja bertemu dengan kawan lamaku. Dia sekarang sudah dewasa, bekerja dikontraktor sebagai kepala pengawas lapangan. Dia sungguh luar biasa, kepribadiannya sekarang sangat terbuka, dan bahkan dia belum pernah menempuh pendidikan tinggi seperti aku. Dia diluar dugaanku, sungguh gila, dalam artian yang baik. Dia bercerita kepadaku soal pekerjaannya, semenjak dia lulus sekolah sampai dia bisa mempunyai timnya sendiri. Saat itu aku

#9 - a true Passion -

I've been thinking a lot lately on how someone find out why he or she is born. Bagaimana cara kita bisa tahu apa yang seharusnya bisa kita lakukan ketika melihat kembali kemasa lalu saat sudah dewasa dengan beberapa kekecewaan atau kegagalan yang sudah ada. Sedari kecil kita sudah di didik untuk belajar dan mencoba sesuatu hal yang baru. Atau bahkan kita merasa dipaksa harus belajar segala hal. Baik itu secara akademik atau tidak. Dan aku pikir itu adalah sesuatu hal yang baik yang bisa kita lakukan untuk mencari dan menjelajah kemampuan kita. My whole life I've been told that a passion is something that you can put your finger on, something that can be described in one word basically. For example is, photography has played a big role in my life and has been my main hobby for the past couple years. I loved it, i often plan to go take photos with friends, but the way i see it now is that a passion, or what seems to be a passion. I don't think i was so into photography by th

#8 - I Lost a Friend -

Apakah kamu pernah kehilang seorang teman baik yang baru berkenalan beberapa hari saja ? Aku pikir hanya karena aku tidak memberikan apa yang dia inginkan, atau mungkin aku pernah berkata sesuatu yang menyakiti perasaannya, atau mungkin karena aku kurang peka. Dan sekarang dia bersikap sangat berbeda kepadaku, tidak seperti biasanya. Aku hanya ingin tahu keadaannya, hanya ingin tahu bagaimana harinya, tetapi saat aku tanya, jawaban dia terlihat seolah sudah tidak tertarik kepada saya lagi. So, if you read this, i just want to say hi, i just want to make you comfortable, yeah i just want to know you more, I want to be your friends, couse i care about you. Ternyata aku salah, Ternyata aku yang terlalu overthinking, Dia punya kesibukannya sendiri, dia lebih sibuk dibandingan aku, bukan dia yang seharusnya minta maaf, justru aku lah yang harus minta maaf. x https://saweria.co/abdullrjk

#7 – social anxiety –

  I spend a lot of time by myself. I came out with my best idea when I’m truly alone. I have a good relationship with nature but not with humans. It feels very strange, but it is what it is. When I wrote this, I think I was in the low point of my life. I was thinking about how my life will going to.   And I felt really scared of everything there. I was afraid how my future gonna be, my job, my health, my personality, my family and my friends. Literally like everything. This thought is always in my head and it’s killing me. Its always coming back, and its brutal. I’m a type of person who doesn’t really speak to somebody, even t my parents. Because I don’t wanna make them worried about me. So, I have to thinking and find the best way about this all by myself. I found some videos on YouTube and they say how to know if you have anxiety or not. Is like a test tutorial, so you have to answer every single question. I do that test, and the result is YES, I have an ANXIETY. Specifically t

#6 – a friends –

  Hai kawan, sudah lama tak jumpa. Sekalinya jumpa gamau bubaran haha. Ini yang kurasakan saat ini. Tadi saya sudah bertemu dengan salah satu teman saya. Sangat-sangat senang sekali bisa bertemu dan berkumpul kembali, meskipun tidak semuanya dapat hadir. Saya sangat senang bertemu kalian, seperti bisa hidup kembali. Waktu cepat berlalu, selama bertahun-tahun kita sama sekali tidak berbicara. Agak awkward emang saat ketemu kalian, seperti ketemu orang yang baru kenal. Saya hanya bisa lihat kalian dari kejauhan, dan akan selalu seperti itu. Saya selalu mengawasi, memperhatikan kalian berkembang. Anggap saja perpisahan yang lalu sebagai masa pendewasaan buat kita, dan kita berhasil. Saya harap kalian tidak pernah berubah, tetaplah menjadi diri kalian yang baik hati, sholeh, pekerja keras, cerdas dan rendah hati. Karena dunia membutuhkan orang seperti kalian. I miss when you were my best friend. x https://saweria.co/abdullrjk